Decision Dilemma....

For the turn of the year, many people are making resolutions: getting healthy, losing weight, getting organized.
For me.......I need to face the decision to have another child or not.

A HUGE decision!

So many thoughts about it have gone through my head. I will try to categorize them, including the pros and cons of each.

1. Time: I am a full-time working mother (which is much different from the typical blogger as far as I have gathered!). So AFTER I'm a mother to about 60-70 other high school kids, I come home to be a mother to my son, a wife, a cook, and a housekeeper. Now I'm not complaining because my husband does help out a great deal. But, I'm also usually exhausted. I want to make sure that I give Cy enough of my time. How does that happen with a newborn? Especially if the 2nd is a wild one like most are if your first is quiet.(which he is!) I want to make sure that Cy gets the attention from me he needs and deserves. And of course the baby needs and deserves time as well.

Also, I'm approaching 30. This year is now or never, because as far as I'm concerned, 30 is my cut-off age of conception.

2. Siblings: I love both my sisters. One is 4 years younger; the other 19 years younger. Me and my sister right under me were also best of friends growing up. We played together all the time. We fought some, but we are sisters after all! We still enjoy doing many things today. I want Cy to have that. I want him to know what it's like to have that person to lean on and to hang out with. But on the down side, what if Cy and his sibling fight constantly? Then I guess I will be over 30 and bald! LOL!

3. The "Only-Child" Stigma: I have a cousin who was the only child. He lived right behind us. He came play at our house EVERYDAY. At least he had us, but he was bored and lonely without a sibling. But then when I hear a student talk about being an only child (which happens because in Child Development, I have a lesson on birth order), I usually question the pros and cons of their life. I'm sure they think I'm some weird psycho, but I've had quite a few who have said they love being the only child. But then I have my parents who swear it is "unfair" for a child to be the only........but is it?

4. The Perfect Number: Of course since I dreamt of becoming a mother since I was a little girl, the magic number of children for me was 2. For Jeremie, it was 1. We've had some conversations about it, however lately they've been rather spontaneous and ending up with the discussion not being done fully due to where we are at or what we are doing at the time. But I've always wanted 2.....until now.

5. Finances: Kids are expensive! I don't produce milk, so formula would be like $150 a month ( I had WIC for Cy, so $100 was free). And diapers! And wipes!

6. Space: I seriously wouldn't know where to put the poor child!

7. Sleep!: I honestly don't know how I survived when Cy was a baby and I began working. Cy woke up every 2 hours on the dot until he was 3-4 months old to eat. Some days my day started at about 3:30/4:00 in the morning.

But aside from the mentioned above, a baby is a miraculous thing! The tiny clothes, the coos, the love, the miracle of pregnancy and creating a child......it is truly a blessing!

I just don't know what to do, how do I make my decision? How will I know my decision is the right one?

I want what is best for my family, but do I really know what is best at this point?

For now I'm praying for God to help answer these questions.....I just hope I don't miss His message!